Single and Waiting

Episode 18

Hello, and welcome to In the Lighthouse: your safe harbor from the storm. This is Daphne Collins, your Lighthouse Keeper and host for our time together. Today, we’re going to turn our focus to a topic that is near, but not so necessarily dear to many of us – being single. Let us also turn the spotlight to the Christian single who has chosen to wait for God to send them His choice for them to marry. For the Christian single, whether male or female, when you enter your church on any given Sunday, do you feel as if you’re on the outside looking in? Have you wondered why everything in the church is geared toward married couples and families? Have there been moments when you were tempted to skip going to church because nobody noticed the single guy sitting by himself in the corner? Well, you are not alone. In fact, Genesis 2:18 tells us, “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” So you see, God never intended for us to be alone. We are relational creatures made in His image. We are the ones looking around to see if there may be anyone in the room to whom a connection can be formed. The truth is, on any given Sunday in the average community church, there will inevitably be more single women in attendance than single men.  

According to the Institute for Family Studies, statistically, there are “71 men per 100 women” of marriageable age. When the survey is narrowed to the preference for affiliated Christian beliefs, the pool is drastically reduced to a 7:4 ratio – the larger number being single women. Why are fewer singles attending church?  In a survey conducted by Paired Life, both single men and women responded with 5 reasons for not attending: 

1.     They don’t feel like they belong.

2.     Attending by themselves is hard for many singles.

3.     It takes more motivation to get up early when you live alone.

4.     Many have had negative experiences with churchgoers.

5.     Many singles feel that God is far away from them.            

There are many reasons for the drop in attendance of single men and women at church on any given Sunday, but the single important component we must recognize is their current relationship with the Lord. This is an individual construct and one that drives the locus of control for the single Christian. We stop looking around and begin looking up. We no longer look to others for help, we look to the Lord. Psalm 121:1-2 says, “I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” If God created man and woman for one another, does it not signify that He is the best source to fill the deepest desires of our hearts? 

This episode is entitled “Single and Waiting,” and my guest here In the Lighthouse is my daughter, Cherese Collins, the Torch Bearer for the Reignite Worship arts ministry. Cherese is here to share her testimony of God’s welcoming presence through the years of waiting following the collapse of her marriage. If you are a single Christian sitting in church on any given Sunday and have decided to wait on the Lord, don’t lose heart. You are there to worship the King of kings and Lord of lords, so I say, worship! Meanwhile, God will search your heart and, in His time and according to His purpose, will respond accordingly. Okay, let’s get started! 

When we proclaim Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we have chosen to surrender our hearts and minds to His sovereign will. For those who made this declaration and yet have fallen away because they felt disillusioned by their experiences in the local church, the question of the sincerity of their declaration is examined by the Lord to whom they swore their fealty. We are fallen creatures and, therefore, in desperate need of a Savior. The Father in Heaven offers us the free gift of salvation found only in Jesus Christ to save us from what we actually deserve – God’s coming judgment. 

Our current culture encourages behaviors that run counter to the lessons found in the Bible. Before they crossed into the promised land, God instructed the Israelites through Moses not to engage in the wicked behaviors of the surrounding cultures. God told Moses to tell the people, “When you come into the land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations” (Deuteronomy 18:9). Biblical history has demonstrated that Israel’s disobedient enculturation with the surrounding nations brought about God’s judgment and their subsequent captivity and dispersion. The question arises in the mind of the contemporary Christian, “Do the same rules apply in our culture today as they did then? Will God judge today’s Christians in the same manner?” The response to this paradoxical question is yes. One of God’s characteristics is his immutability – He does not change, and neither will his statutes – then or now. Something that does change frequently is our minds. We have freedom of choice. We are free to choose whether to follow the day's culture or live counter-culturally. This also applies to the Christian – whether old or young, married or single, rich or poor, and male or female. 

According to Table for One Ministries (T41), one of the largest unreached people groups is the single-person household which, in the United States, has “increased more than fivefold since 1960.” Furthermore, the same 2022 study of demographics indicated that only “47% of households had married couples, a significant drop from 74% in 1960.” Given these startling results, is there still hope for the Christian single? Table for One indicates that 58% of most singles hope to marry someday. Some may choose to try online dating apps and succumb to the endless barrage of unsuitable matches, whereas, others will choose to wait on the Lord.  It is in the waiting that God does his transforming work in us. He pulls us from the mud of our cultural existence and washes us in the sanctifying waters of His Spirit to bring the waiting Christian to the place of surrender and peace.

Some parts of this testimony may not be suitable for certain audiences; therefore, adults and parents are cautioned to use discretion with their young ones when listening to this episode.   

Show Notes

Table For One Ministries: https://tfoministries.org/single-adult-statistics-in-america

Institute for Family Studies: https://ifstudies.org/blog/sex-ratios-in-the-pews-is-there-really-a-deficit-of-men-in-american-churches

Paired Life:  https://pairedlife.com/advice/Why-Do-Singles-Stop-Going-to-Church

All music themes used in this episode are taken from Envato Elements.

Opening Theme: Going For Gold

Introductory Theme: Soft Melodic Piano by Praded

Transition Theme: Romantic Calm Piano by Praded

Conclusion Theme: The Ocean by vision-studios

Transcript of “Single and Waiting” by Daphne Collins

Transcript of “The Golden Key” by Laine Wilder